


After a Protracted Internment

by cirruss, orphan_account



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Animal Abuse, Fluff without Plot, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-23
Updated: 2014-08-23
Packaged: 2018-02-14 10:40:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2188665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cirruss/pseuds/cirruss, https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maureen is returning to her duties at the station, and some jobs are more fun than others.</p>
            </blockquote>





	After a Protracted Internment

Khoshekh's ears perked up as he heard familiar footfalls in the hallway. Being the wisest Cat, and possessing the largest ears, it was his responsibility to alert the Small Unknowing Cats to the situation. In evidence of their good training, they immediately started a Meow Parade, their perfect timing ensuring that there was never a moment of silence. 

"Calm down in there, I'm coming! Did a certain Evil Corporation not skritch you enough behind the poison sacs? I'll be there in a minute!" Khoshekh increased the volume of his meows at hearing this response, and the Small Unknowing Cats followed suit. It was important for Stupid Hairless Cats to know you paid attention to them once in a while. It made them feel valued. 

The Stupid Hairless Cat outside the door sighed dramatically. Years later, she finally swung it open, shoving a man's smart but affordable business-casual shoe under the frame as a prop. She was moving slowly. On careful examination, Khoshekh could tell that she was placing a line of purple and black jellybeans along the floor. Once she'd taken the line to the middle of the bathroom, she straightened up. "Let's see whether the Evil Corporation figured out how to care for three kittens. Smart money says no." She examined the scene and wrinkled her nose. "All the Evil Corporations in the world, and Cecil attracted the attention of the one which builds pets that don't poop. Typical." The Stupid Hairless Cat leaned down and started pouring litter into garbage bags. "Get College Credit and Real World Experience at the same time, they said. Get your hands dirty working in a fast-growing industry, they said. They forget to mention that I'd be getting my hands literally dirty, and the only thing fast growing was the kittens. And the incompetent Evil Corporation couldn't even be trusted to keep the litter box lever blood-free, so I come home to this!" Khoshekh had often considered inviting this Stupid Hairless Cat to join the Meow Parade. She certainly had enough meows. 

As the Stupid Hairless Cat worked, a row of bright red ants began filing in along the jelly bean highway. Khoshekh sheathed and unsheathed his claws, remembering the heady days of not floating at a fixed point. Those ants would have been easy prey for his pouncing. Once every inch of the floor was covered in ants, the Stupid Hairless Cat began to sing, "What do we do with a drunken sailor?" and all the Small Unknowing Cats joined in with vigour. 

There had been a time, before the Ones Who Smelled Like Nothing had arrived, that Khoshekh had growled at them for singing along. A cat had to maintain his dignity, and was his responsibility to teach these Small Unknowing Cats the correct degree of aloofness. But it had been a useful skill in the end. While he had been gone, the Ones Who Smelled Like Nothing had been in charge, and they had not understood the correct frequency for treats to be delivered to cats. Apparently, they were even more resistant to training than the Stupid Hairless Cats! Luckily, they also had not understood about the difference between singing a sea shanty and reciting 'I take my warmth from your great warmth' so the ants had been equally unsatisfied. A deal had been struck. Khoshekh was proud of his Small Unknowing Cats, though he was sure that if he'd been there, he could have bargained for more than five cat treats per shanty. 

When the song finished, the Stupid Hairless Cat looked down. "Singing's done. Scram or I step on you." While this was not exactly the same as pouncing, Khoshekh was still pleased with her words. This was the most sensible Stupid Hairless Cat he'd ever worked with. She followed the line of ants out of the bathroom, only to return with a bag of cat food and a cat-bowl-on-a-stick. Despite her potential, this one was still not as wise as a proper Cat, so she measured a pitiful serving of food into the bowl. Khoshekh made a mental note to check if the agreement with the ants still stood. 

"No more hand feeding the kittens. And no, not because they lost two interns that way. Because someone's boyfriend invented a highly Scientific instrument that's just like a ladle, but much more Scientific than that. And we have to use it because we're all _really into science_ at the station." The Stupid Hairless Cat reached up with her free hand to pat Khoshekh along the spine ridges. When they weren't eating, the kittens assisted her with meows, and they managed a passable Meow Parade until everyone had been fed. 

Then the Stupid Hairless Cat stepped back, and regarded them all seriously. "Okay, kitties, it's time for a talk. I'm dating the Mayor, which kind of makes me a mayor too. First order of business is to make sure that no more Evil Corporations take over the town. Now, you all did very well during the last battle. But to keep you in shape, I put together a training regime for you." She reached into her Community Radio tote bag and pull out seventeen high-jumping English Angora rabbits. "I got these on the cheap, there's a glut in the market right now. Have fun kitties!" 

Khoshekh's pupils went very wide. A furry whirlwind was coming, and he was ready.


End file.
